Saving troubled marriages and stopping children’s emotional trauma


We all know that there is no perfection in life and especially when it comes to relationship with our love ones or marriage. As a matter of fact every culture unique tradition, said or unsaid rules makes it even more complicated. Aside from cultural rules, marriage or becoming parents may not lead to happiness if person is not quite ready to face all its challenges. As we know, there are many persons that did not go thru these routes but still feel fulfilled and happy. Besides, marriage and becoming a father or mother require psychological readiness and accepting all responsibilities, which comes with it. One of the factors for harmonious marriage is that husband or wife need to be quite sensitive to his or her spouse needs of course if they are logical, achievable, fair and realistic. Another words it requires each become empathetic to each other and put his shoes in his spouse shoes and understand how he or she feels. This mode of relating to each other will make each partner to appreciate each other’s point of view and reduce much marital conflict. Otherwise, couples themselves and their children will suffer. 

If you do not think you are ready then you need to wait. There is no hurry, take your time to find your right partner. Don’t forget this is a lifetime decision and you or child may later suffer from its negative consequences. Marriage is a great experience but with right one, right time and for the right reason. 

Generally, marriage requires the following to become fulfilling, happy and last. Otherwise it might become dull and couple might become psychological or physically distant or sometimes end up with separation or divorce. 

A healthy relationship requires good communication, compromise, intimacy and satisfying sexual relationship, sacrifice, similar interest, ongoing nurturing the relationship, some finance and of course love and passion. 

I have treated many couples and families throughout the years from China and other nationalities. I have seen many couples that suffered from their hasty decision in marriage and or marrying for the wrong reasons. Consequently, these couples were stuck in an unfulfilling marriage and their children as well developed a wide rang of emotional problems including low self esteem, depression, anxiety, learning problem, not being able to fit, angry, feeling unsafe, distrusting, etc. All these children became the victim of their parent’s marital conflicts and unhappy marriage. 

Psychological Marriage and family therapy can help marital discord, separation and even divorced couples if they are willing to commit to therapy. Marriage therapy require psychologist to see each couple separately in order to treat their individual psychological issues causing the problem in the marriage while at the same time seeing them to treat their broken marriage and relationship. I have helped many couples with or without a child whom I saved their marriage, in which they end up with happiness and fulfilling courtship. However, some couples as they receive therapy might find out that they do not really fit. If such couple chooses to divorce, marriage therapy can help these couples to separate in peace and remain friend, which consequently prevent their children to suffer more. 

Some parents think that no matter what their marital problems are, if divorce it would hurt their child’s emotion. Beside, some couple sometimes-even use their children as excuse to continue their broken and unhappy marriage due to reasons of, fear of divorce, loosing face, facing others, becoming lonely, not having chance to find another partner, facing old age alone, etc. On the contrary children raised in such troubled marriage will suffer emotionally even more if they everyday face continuous emotional trauma. Even though children need their both parents love and care to grow up but in case of above they become more emotionally healthy if they are raised in a single parent condition but with peace, harmony, not facing daily quarrel or conflict of their parents. 

Marriage is like a tree and needs nurture and care. In fact marriage itself is pure, it's the couple’s psychological issues, which damage its leave, fruit and its health in general. 
Couple’s unresolved individual needs and imbalance in their own psychological health will cause this tree to become sick or worse. 

If purpose of marriage is not for reasons of filling your bed side with another person, fear of loneliness, marrying for sake of being married like your friends or neighbors did, just to satisfy your parents needs, just making a child with, but for reasons of love, deeper harmony, harmonious and warm relationship, making your life more colorful, then there is chance for fulfilling bond of marriage to last.

If your marital relationship is becoming troublesome or boring, psychological marriage therapy can save and rejuvenate your marriage  

Good luck to you in your martial adventure