Once upon a time, we all also were adolescent! You all remember those days when we were between age 12 to 18, the excitement we felt, fear, confusion, jealousy, hurt, being rejected, broken hearted, neglected, broken dreams, you all know what I mean! Of course some might have been luckier than others.

Adolescence is a quite a challenging period for every child. More the parents are aware and knowledgably of changes occurring during these periods of their child more can help to ease this rather long journey. 

From age 12 to 18 children, beginning with period of pre -adolescent, adolescent, then approaching a young adulthood, children go thru different period of psychological development.  During these periods they face different emotional challenges including trying to gain approval from adults, parents, teacher, family members by showing special ability such as school competence or other skills in order to feel proud and to be accepted. Later, children would have many other emotional challenges to face such as questioning their look (am I pretty, ugly.., why I have these ugly bumps on my face… why my eyes so small…. ), body (am I fat, ugly, do they make fun of me, no body would ever love me…), finding out who they are in this world and among others, slowly becoming independent. Furthermore, since in this age children hormone begin to change, boys and girls start feeling different in their genitals, boys sometimes get erection, girls began having menstruation, begin feeling attraction to other sex, etc. Sometimes these changes are quite scary and confusing for children at these ages.

Dealing with all above, children would feel lot of burden, become confused, scared, vulnerable, and sometimes become quite anxious, depressed, hopeless, helpless….. Of course the intensity of these feelings is also depends to their own personality make up, parenting style, parent’s own relationship and emotional issues.

Among all above one factor, which I have come across living in china for many years, is the stress of facing national exam for all adolescents. Days and nights of sleeplessness, stress, anxiety, worry about the outcome of exam, worry about giving face to their family, challenging other classmates in this mission, being accepted in certain university, facing leaving parents to other cities in future to attend university, and so many more… 

In below I would like to mention some tips to help these children by their caregivers and parents. Of course among these tips some should have been take care of long ago, but still it is not too late to make up for some of them. Feeling guilty at this time only make you worry and negatively affect your already stressed child. 
1-	Children are already under lot of pressure to succeed and satisfying you. All you need to do to give them emotional support and gently help as they need for their weakness in certain subject. If needed get them an understanding extra teacher to help them with their weak subject.

2-	Allow child everyday to have some times for relaxation, fun and rest. This will improve their happiness and consequently increase their attention, concentration/memory.


3-	If there is sense of trust between child and parents, then parents do not need to stand behind them and make them even more nervous in finishing the homework.

4-	Not every child has the same learning ability. If child truly has weakness in several subject and extra teaching does not help. Your child might be a slow learner or might be suffering from problem with attention, concentration, memory or even anxiety (i.e. exam anxiety), sadness, etc. For this psychologist can help by doing full assessment and then help the child with increasing his attention and concentration without using medicine.
5-	Do give impression to child that your love for him depends on the grade he would make at exam. This is very cruel parenting and most result is child’s possible failure.
6-	Don't ever call your child bad names specially making fun of his shortcoming or disability. Don't call your child fat, ugly, useless, stupid, etc. even in joking. This only cause emotional distant between he and you and will stay with him rest of his life. In other countries this is called verbal abuse 
7-	Do not punish your child physically. Firstly is not right secondly won’t work. Believe me!

8- Do not place your unfinished dreams upon child by pressuring him study the field you think is ok and ignore their will and choice. I have had many adult patients whom expressed their hate for such selfish parenting expectation.

9- There is a great traditional misunderstanding between you and your child due to changes in human overall culture and age difference. While you maintain your principles, try to have some flexibility by i.e. each parent gently help the child before or as child reaches these stages to understand the normal changes that they will go thru including sexual changes…. Teach them that they are not dirty and help them understand human relationship and their future relationship…

If you gently lead your child in this transition, you help him to become a successful and emotionally fulfilled adult! It’s all up to you and your care.

Take care of you child’s heart as well as his mind!
Good luck to all parents helping your child’s future happiness and success.

Happy New Year to everyone Wish you all patience, love, peace and happiness.

Dr.Mike