Over millions of children are left at countryside to live alone. Of course mostly these parents are financially forced to go far away to earn living for themselves and their children. These children are left behind with some family members to look after their daily affairs. However, there are also some city parents who are lucky to afford good life, hold good jobs with good earnings, but they also leave their children behind in many respects, give them to their parents or grand parents sometimes in another city quite far, so they can relax and enjoy their money and life. Some other compromise their parenting responsibility due to their personal issues. These parents choose to miss the pleasure of parenting, compromising their children future psychological health and shift the parenting it to others no matter who they are.

If young children at this immature age, just for sake of talking, they could be as mature as adult with all their emotional needs, logic etc., they would say out loud [ba, ma, don’t leave me with others. I need your love and care and no one else. You both made me and we are a family. How come you both don’t include me in yours and go so far? Is that fair? How selfish and careless you both could be..….. you readers all can guess the rest!] 

While in today’s modern society, women increasing have higher social status. Some of these career women come back to their office 3~4months after gave birth to baby. However, some or most of these young couples chose to give their child to grandparents. Their reason is that ,on one hand they are more experienced in raising child, another hand is young parents can enjoy more more leisure time or go to achieve their career goals!

Lets talk a little about child psychological development from birth which you all might have read somewhere. Human being from age 0 to old age go thru different important psychological development stages and if they happen to miss one or more, some of these children or later as adult may develop some forms of psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, low confidence, learning/ school problems, loneliness, behavior problem, panic attack, eating disorders, suicidal thinking, marital problem, alcoholism, anti social behavior, sexual difficulties, not trustful, etc. In this article we only mention the psychological developmental stages form birth to 18. According to Erickson, they are trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame, initiative vs guilt, industry vs inferiority, and identity vs confusion. The first is a healthy development and second one is neurotic. It means that any of the second ones later will make thechild and later he or she as an adult develops some of the above psychological difficulties. 

Another words they might grow up becoming very dependent, easily hopeless, fearful of facing life, quite selfish, easily feel shamed or guilty, avoid responsibility, impulsive, obsessive, antisocial, feeling helpless, problem with self identity, etc. 

Mother’s role at least from birth to age 3 quite important in child’s  healthy psychological/social development and after this age up to 16 to 18 both parents role is quite important in this mission. Fathers as well should be more involved in child’s life especially after age 3.  
Over relying on grandparents or babysitter will cause complex negative effects on child’s future learning ability, behavior, and personality development. I believe parents spending time with his child and care for child not family members, as well as parents involvement in child’s learning is the main source of helping child gain happiness, self confidence, sense of safety, instead of money. child will be more happy if you do simple things such as walk with them, talk with them, play with them, take them to garden instead of give them fancy clothes, shoes, etc. 
For career mothers and fathers, if you really bears financial burden and can’t leave your job, I have following tips for u and ur baby’s healthy psychological development: 
1- Spend quality time with your children as much as possible. Meaning when you have time with your child talk, play, ask about his feeling, his fear, his day, his school, classmates, teachers, people he saw on street, food, its taste, talk to him heart to heart.
2- When children are off school if can take them to your work place and involve them with some tasks and make them feel you are together, this will build closeness and confidence 
3- Focus on let the child know that you are their parents, not care givers and you love them and will never leave them
4- Don't replace your missing time with your child with just buying gifts specially expensive one. Children from early age should know value of money, earning money, self- control and not to bribe
5- If possible spend the quality times together with your child and spouse. You don’t have to every time drag your parents or grandparents for these times or activities. 
6- Call you child a few times while not at home and ask his status, activity, feeling and kindly advise and assure him, not just blaming him for studying harder!
7- Don't forget, you can’t fool your child and or treat him like a toy. He is a human being with powerful brain. He can sense everything including your sad and happy times.
8- Make sure whoever take care of you child while you can not won’t harm your child physically or psychologically. 
9- As they grow up let them know the ups and downs of life, don't hide your problems with child, share with them and let them grow together. This is the real meaning of being a family. I have had a few cases in which parents afraid to bring their child for treatment since they think he might be hurt or asked me to tell the child I am his shushu and  not doctor! I even told parents that I don’t inject the child or even wear white cloth. Such mode of overprotective parenting will not allow the healthy grows of child’s pesonality but slow their emotional growth and might result in building fear, distrust, etc.
Finally, living in China for so many years, I always wonder why children are called, “xiao pengyao.” Child is far immature to be an adult pengyao, they need time to develop our kind of logic and tolerance. So treat them as a child, help them grow up being happy, confident, feel safe, mature, generous, respecting others, learning life’s ups and down, trusting and with inner peace.
Wish you and your children a sunny life even when it rains 
Dr.Mike